I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
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Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So vagazzling was a success
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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