i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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