remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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