Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
