you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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