im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
