Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Randomize
