I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
