Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
