I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
