The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
