Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
