i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
