Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
