He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
