Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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