so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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