You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
