Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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