you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
