god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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