We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
