i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
