Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
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