It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
