they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
