is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
