Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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