I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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