threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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