just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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