It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
