I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
