good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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