I didn't shave. On purpose
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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