Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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