Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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