I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
