I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
