I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
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You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
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We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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