Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
