i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
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