You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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