Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Randomize
