Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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