Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
