I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
