I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
