Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
