I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
