you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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