but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
