She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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