Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
