At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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