there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
