Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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