Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
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Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
did you just send me my own nude
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The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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