I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
