me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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