You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Randomize
