Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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