I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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