walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Someone came in the potted fern
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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