I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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