I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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