youre lurking in front of me
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
