you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
