We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
