Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
