I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
