i would punch a child for taco bell
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
