4 words: hood of his car
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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