you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Two words: nipple clamps
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