she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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